Guys as Bulls cheerleaders? Fat chance

The Bulls have big plans for big fans.

With the emphasis on big fans.

The team is looking for men older than 21 to entertain UnitedCenter crowds at its games.

Rather than the male equivalent of the Luvabulls, the new squad of12 to 15 entertainers sounds like it's going to be more theChubabulls or Blubabulls.

The ideal candidate for the to-be-named team is a man who enjoysbeing the life of the party, proudly displays a wacky sense of humorand rarely, if ever, visits the health club," the Bulls' pressrelease states. If you've ever owned the nickname Tiny,' Moose,'Tubby,' Lumpy' or Bubba,' this team is for you. If you show yourloyalty by painting your face and/or chest, using your shirt as amakeshift rally towel, shaving a logo into your head or startinglively chants in the stands, you are the perfect man for the job."

Applications are available at the United Center, online atbulls.com or by mailing a self-addressed, stamped envelope to C.C.Company of Illinois Inc., Attn: Big Bulls Fans, P.O. Box 4712,Wheaton, IL 60189-4712.

Be prepared to answer whether you have been accused of havingplumber's butt," have worn women's clothing in public, can do stuntswith the rolls in your stomach, consider Homer Simpson your idol, cantouch your toes, can see your toes and can recite every Chris Farleyline in Tommy Boy," among other personal information.

The application deadline is Sept. 17 with an audition scheduledfor 6-9 p.m. Sept. 18 at the United Center.

Those who fail to make the team no doubt will be heavilydisappointed.

With the emphasis on heavily.